


HeadSpin

by dramady, jeck



Series: HeadSpin [1]
Category: Apolo Ohno - Fandom, JR Celski - Fandom, Olympics RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-07
Updated: 2010-03-07
Packaged: 2017-10-07 19:03:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/68212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramady/pseuds/dramady, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeck/pseuds/jeck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>A/N:</b> These characterizations might not be spot-on; this is for us as much as anything else. And the mental images are purty :D  We also warp reality here for fictional purposes.</p><p><b>SUMMARY:</b> <i>"Don't freak out on me."</i><br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	HeadSpin

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission.

His bag over his shoulder - he was out _way_ later than he'd expected to be - Apolo was walking down the hallway, his head down, watching the designs on the carpet. If he'd just taken one different step, just -

Screw it. He really did mean it that he felt victorious. He just would feel _more_ victorious if he'd won _gold_ and not bronze. The medal was in his bag, tucked away.

As he got closer to his room, he saw the light still coming from under JR's door. That was curious; the kid was good about taking care of himself. Modeled after the best, Apolo thought with a smirk. On impulse, he knocked lightly on the door, ear close to see if he could hear anything.

JR had been out late with his parents, his brother but in coming back to his room, he still couldn't sleep. He should be but he kept thinking of the disqualification which had him still feeling really, really _pissed_. What was worse was having to face his family with that looming over his head. It wasn't how he wanted this day to end.

The knock on the door made him look up, his brows drawing together and he called out, "who is it?" before he approached the door and look into the peephole. Apolo. Great. Maybe they could sulk together.

"Apolo," he said and he looked up, giving the peephole a half-grin. "You're supposed to be asleep. It's really late. Are you okay?"

JR opened the door and cocked his head at Apolo. "You're supposed to be asleep, too." Ha. "Wanna come in?" He had six pack of Coke which was an indulgence around here and was straying from their rigid training. JR pointed at it with a smile. "Contraband."

"Walking on the wild side, huh?" As he came in and set his bag down against the wall, Apolo grinned. He was unzipping his coat as he looked around. "Most depressing rooms ever, right? You should see if Coke will give you a sponsorship, then you get it for free." And he waggled his eyebrows as he tossed his coat over his bag.

"I have chips, too. Felt like binging after -- you know." JR frowned, watching as Apolo's jacket fell over his bag then he grabbed a couple of sodas and handed the can over. "This was free. My brother, he..." JR trailed off because proud as his older brother was of him, his first time seeing JR compete and all, the disqualification kind of ruined the whole thing.

"Hey." His hat pulled off, bandanna still firmly in place, keeping his hair back from his face, Apolo walked over to where JR stood. "Bad luck. That's not a reflection of you, right? Hamelin got lucky and you didn't. It's one race; that's all."

JR couldn't look up and all he did was shrug his shoulder slowly then he popped open the can and it hissed in the quiet around them. "Hey, but look at you." He looked up, finally, and into Apolo's eyes, suddenly drowning in them. "Number seven. Most decorated winter olympian." JR gave Apolo one of his bright smiles. "Congratulations."

"Thanks." Apolo took the can, though and set it down. He caught under JR's chin and kept him from looking away. "If you go into the relay like this, you're defeated before you even start. Right?" His gaze was stern, but not cold. He _liked_ JR, liked his spirit; Apolo grinned. "Do I need to kick your ass?"

The fingers under his chin felt like they would burn but not in any unpleasant way. How weird? JR met Apolo's eyes and he chuckled, dry, a bit breathy. "Take it to the ice, Ohno." His eyes blazed with the challenge even though JR knew Apolo could easily, _easily_ kick his ass both here, now, and on the ice. But the man was right, so, he nodded his head much as he could with Apolo holding him still, locked in that gaze.

"I'll take it to the ice," Apolo pledged, his smile turning cock-eyed and he didn't look away. "Saw your tattoo, man," he finally said, taking a step back, letting go slowly to reach for his Coke. "How long did it take to get that?" Spying the bag of chips, he picked it up, opening it, too, before he sprawled on JR's couch.

JR's hand went to his chest at the mention of his tattoo and he grinned more easily, watching as Apolo sat then he grabbed his coke and plopped down next to him, slouching. "Three hours." He stuck his hand in the bag and took a few chips. "It's real dope. I love it." He wondered if Apolo had tattoos of his own but he didn't ask even if his imagination kind of got carried away at the many places he'd think Apolo would have them. "You wanna see?"

"Are you gonna show me?" There was Apolo's grin again. "Sure. My own close up personal showing. I'm not ashamed to admit that I kinda want to see your scar, too. That's insane, man, your comeback. You are hardcore; don't let anybody tell you otherwise." He tapped his can against JR's before taking a long drink.

There was this odd mix of emotions that passed over JR, his expression mirroring what he was feeling. The scar was hideous. He'd rather show the tattoo. "Okay." He decided, taking a quick swig of his soda. It seemed fair to show the good with the bad.

JR put his soda down and then he was tugging his shirt off. He was in sweatpants and there was no way he could pull that one up so he stood and shoved it down to his knees leaving him in his boxers. He stood there in front of Apolo, the air a bit chilly that he got goosebumps over his skin.

There was a moment before Apolo moved. Then he set down his can and blew on his fingers so that they wouldn't be too cold. They were both the same height and he stood up, first, looking at the intricacies of the tatoo, the stars, the bird. "Filipino flag," he said with a short glance to JR's face before concentrating on the tattoo again.

The touch, light as it was, made him shiver even if Apolo's fingers were far from cold. "Yeah. And the Polish crest." He pointed to the eagle in the middle of the sun, smiling at Apolo who was really leaning in close that made JR's breath hitch. "That took the longest." JR caught himself looking and almost reaching out to touch Apolo's hair. It looked so soft that he wanted to feel it between his fingers.

"I bet it hurt." But not as much as the scar. For that, Apolo sat back down, hand wrapping around JR's leg to get him to take a step closer. He hunched down, close, to feel the raised skin under his fingertips. "Shit. I can't even imagine."

"Don't..." JR warned, "I try not to think about it much. Eric said to look ahead not back, so, I focused on getting back on my feet." He wasn't even supposed to be walking right away but he beat those odds, he knew. Determination ran deep in his veins, apparently.

Apolo's hands were really warm and they felt good around JR's leg but those fingers touching his scar? It moved almost reverent along the ridges the stitches left. "Battle scar. That's what it is. I don't really need any other reminder of what I can do."

"Right?" Apolo flickered out a grin, but didn't look up from the scar. Red, still, angry and raised, obvious against the brown of JR's leg. "Does it bother you at all?"

"All the time," JR admitted, shifting his weight from the injured leg to the other and then he was bent over, fingers brushing against Apolo's while he pointed to a spot that was always still sore. "Here. That's where the blade cut the deepest. Didn't think I was going to skate again..." He sounded vulnerable when he said that but this was Apolo and JR didn't much mind opening up.

"I didn't think you were going to either," Apolo admitted, looking up at the change of tone in JR's voice. "Eric was there, though." Which explained it all, really. Who better to treat an injury like Eric Heiden? "And you worked your ass off. And look at what you've accomplished. You've got nothing to be ashamed of." He brushed his thumb over the most painful part as gently as he could.

No one besides his doctors and Eric ever really touched his scar but they didn't touch his injury like Apolo was doing. JR didn't know what to think of it. "I had to. The goal stays the same. Get the gold," then he grinned, "from you."

"Cocky. Gonna have to pry it from my hands." JR's tease broke whatever mood was in the room and Apolo leaned back, smiling again as he looked up at him. "Or wrestle me for it." And his grin became a smirk as he reached into the bag for some chips.

JR felt the shift, too, which was somehow a relief. He wasn't entirely sure what was going on there only that it made his heart beat a bit faster and make the room suddenly feel warm. Maybe it was the fact that his pants were around his knees and he quickly tugged it back on, leaving his shirt off and then he was grinning, pointing to the chips in Apolo's hands. "Wrestling that from you first." He made a dive to grab the bag of chips from Apolo.

"Ha, you're slow." Apolo got an arm around JR's waist as he made the move, simultaneous to pulling the bag of chips out of reach (even weight and height, it was all about who was _faster_). They both ended up on their sides, Apolo stretching an arm over his head with the bag. "Slow, dude. Slow."

JR was laughing, stretching his arms to reach for the bag while trying to wriggle out of Apolo's grasp that was keeping him from reaching further. "No fair, man! Those are my chips." A heave of his body, using his strength, he caught the edge of the bag and JR pulled, hard. The bag ripped and chips showered all over them.

"Ah, man," Apolo laughed, eyes closed as he felt the rain of salty, greasiness all over their heads. "Classy." But it was hilarious and he brushed as his hair, sending the crumbs onto JR. "You're gonna have a hell of a time explaining _this_ to the cleaning crew. 'I was losing, so I cheated.'" He was teasing, eyes glinting with his grin.

JR's eyes widened. "You cheat!" He said it in mock exaggeration. "Should I tell the Olympic Committee. That'll move me up to silver." He smirked at Apolo but hen his eye got caught at the crumbs still in his hair. JR ran his hand over Apolo's hair and I was as soft as it looked that his hand lingered long after he'd gotten the crumbs out. "You're going to need another shower." And suddenly JR was aware of just how pressed together the two of them were, of how close Apolo's face was to his. Those eyes. Those lips. Whoa!

"I do, huh?" Apolo still had his arm around JR's waist and was watching the emotions that rainbowed over his face. "You won't tell on me, because you know it's true - you cheated because you knew you were going to lose." But the words are slow, thoughtful almost, as he tracks where JR's looking. "What's on your mind, JR?"

Shit! He pulled his hand abruptly but JR still couldn't move. Not when Apolo had him in that tight hold. "Y-your hair," he admitted. "You have chips in your hair." He looked down only to get caught in those eyes again and then JR licked around his lips, tempted to close the distance and then he kind of panicked, pushing off only to fall back on Apolo's chest. God, that hold was strong.

"I should probably take a shower, like you said. I smell like smoke, too." Seeing as Apolo got caught with a couple of friends who refused to quit. But when they shifted, they could both hear the crackle of potato chips, and really, it _was_ funny. "Your couch is totally screwed, man." And still, he didn't let go of JR's waist.

This was so not fair. It seemed to JR that Apolo knew exactly what he was doing here and he opened his mouth to say something when Apolo shifted them both and the crunching chips _were_ funny that JR laughed. But then he did lean forward, sniffing and wrinkling his nose, face near he side of Apolo's neck. "You smell like a bar and chips. You should shower. After you help me clean this up. Can't be caught with chips. Coaches will rip me a new one."

"After I help you clean up?! I didn't bust open the chip bag." Apolo moved his hand from the small of JR's back to his hair, brushing crumbs from it. "You made your bed, cheater. Now you need to lie in it." In the process of getting up, he rolled on top of JR and seemed to linger there for a moment before he got to his feet.

JR's breath got caught in this throat when Apolo did that and it felt like he didn't know how to breathe. His eyes stayed on those, God, big brown eyes even after Apolo had already stood up. It took a bit of time for JR to collect himself before he sat up, slowly, because, whoa! He was reacting to having been pressed down by Apolo's strong, firm body. "You're not going to help me lie in my bed? At all?" He he pointed to the chips on the floor and kind of pouted. Just a little.

"You need help lying down?" One of Apolo's eyebrows arched at that, even as he was pulling off his bandanna and giving his hair a shake to get out any errant potato chips. "Do I have to do anything for you?" That said, he walked up to JR and started grooming him, hands through his hair, brushing his shoulders.

"I didn't cheat you know?" JR jutted his chin out, defiant. "You held me down so you're the cheater that made me break the bag." He kind of liked the way Apolo was brushing out the chip crumbs off him. Was he even _supposed_ to feel this way with something as simple as that? "Fine. If you don't want to help sit over there," he pointed to his bed. "I'll clean up." This was like having his two older brothers around with JR giving in to them, too.

"Took a while, but I got a rise out of you. That's better than pouting. More useful." They stood nose to nose and Apolo smiled. "Who's going to win the relay?"

JR snorted. "We are, did you even have to ask?" Apolo was too close. Too close that JR could feel the heat of his body. What was going on here? "And stop messing with me!" He playfully pushed Apolo back and that was a little better. Now he could breathe.

"Night, JR," Apolo says, his grin crooked. "Get some rest. We have a big day coming. If we win, I'm buying. Something better than chips. Good luck with all the mess, huh?" And yeah, there was a little bit of an asshole cock to his eyebrow as he gathered his stuff. "Night." And then he was gone.

"Night," JR said after Apolo and then as soon as he was gone and the door was closed, he put his hands on his hips and blew a breath out really slow. He wasn't exactly sure what happened here but there surely was _something_. What he didn't notice though, was that what went on with Apolo had him thinking of other things and no longer his disqualification earlier.

JR gave his head a shake and then he looked around, groaning. He'd clean up and then sleep. They had a big day of training tomorrow.

~~

The air of zen calm that Apolo projected wasn't an act. He really was that laid back on race days. He had his playlist and he knew what he needed to do. As the relay got closer, he sat, elbows on his knees and he gave JR a warm smile before just looking down. It was nearly time.

The smile was returned and JR even gave Apolo a nod his eyes shining with the determination that drove him. He was nervous, sure, but it wasn't as if he couldn't shake that off. Breathing exercises. Those always helped. He did that until it was time to get on the ice, warming up and that was when he looked over at Apolo again, watching him circle the ice, yawning -- which only made JR yawn, too.

No better way to relax the body and the heartbeat - yawning. Even if you had to force it, it helped. Just before the first racers went to the line, Apolo caught JR's elbow. He didn't speak. He just nodded. It'd be all right, no matter what. The journey _was_ the destination after all. He believed that.

Then came the crack of the starting gun and they were off.

~~

But in the restaurant later, tucked into a quieter corner, Apolo was slouched easily in the booth, his feet, under the table, tangling with JR's. "Your first Olympics. How was it?"

"I can't even put it into words." JR leaned in and kept his voice low. "Coming here was a dream but after 60 stitches?" He pointed to his thigh. "_Being_ here _is_ a dream. So, standing on the podium with you? That's like -- icing on the cake -- and I mean really, really good icing." He laughed.

"Amazing icing, huh?" Apolo ruffled JR's hair, still smiling. "You have a lot ahead of you; this is just the first start. Get ready for big things, kid." He took a good look at JR's face, at the excitement there. He'd been there. He remembered it. (And he wasn't that old, either.) "Savor it. Drink it in. _Enjoy_ it."

When Apolo touched his hair, JR tried to pull back his own hand coming up and bumping against Apolo's. It made him blush for some reason, the touch making his hand feel warm and the downy hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. "I am enjoying it." And this. Although he'd known Apolo since he was young, being from the same place in Washington and competing, it was because of watching Apolo that he was where he is today. He was the inspiration and sitting here with Apolo and hearing what JR considered words of wisdom was suddenly overwhelming.

But ... _kid_?

Was that how Apolo saw him? JR wasn't a kid anymore. He was nineteen and he'd gone through so much already that he felt a lot older than that. His brows drew together and he leaned in closer. "You know? People ask me all the time if I'm out to beat you." JR smiled and shook his head. "I tell them no. It's always about the medal, finishing first, beating me and my best..."

There. Did a _kid_ say stuff like that?

Nope. But sooner or later, JR would figure out that Apolo said shit like that to get a rise out of the kid. Because it _always_ worked. Always. Apolo smirked right back at JR and said, "you should be trying to beat me. You're my successor, right? Show 'em all you can beat me."

JR cocked his head and leaned a little closer toward Apolo. "I'll beat you in the rink if I beat you but that's not what I think about when I put on my skates." His heart was beating really fast with Apolo challenging him like that. The man JR watched when he was 12 -- the reason he got into speed skating -- was telling JR to beat him. Mindfuck.

Slowly, Apolo ran his tongue over his lower lip, that smirk still firmly in place. "So, what do you think of when you put on your skates?" Asked quietly. They might as well have been alone. The noise of the restaurant even faded into the background.

It was next to impossible to not look at Apolo's mouth and that tongue and follow the path it took over his lips. It was right there in front of JR and really hard to miss. He swallowed a sudden lump in his throat and tried to focus on what it was Apolo had said. "I think about not falling," JR replied, meeting Apolo's eyes.

Of course, Apolo didn't look away. His expression sobered a little as he looked right back at JR. "Let's get out of here, huh?" he said, slouching lower so that he could cant his hips up and pull out his wallet. "We'll go back to my room. I might even have a beer if you don't tell anyone."

JR's eyes widened and then he tugged at Apolo's sleeve. "Uhm ... I'm _nineteen_," he had to remind him even if, well, it wasn't like he hadn't tasted beer. Hell, his brothers made sure of it though he only touched the stuff when he was with them.

"And you've won two medals at the fucking Olympic Games, dude. Time to celebrate." Apolo threw some bills on the table and slid to standing, pulling his coat on. "C'mon. You're not going to chicken out on me, are you?"

That made JR narrow his eyes. Chicken out? Who? Him? Hell no! "Come on." He stood up, too, shrugging his coat on and then he squared his shoulders, the move instinctive just to show Apolo that he wasn't a kid, okay? He's taking that challenge. "I'll race you back. Heard you were faster on ice than on the ground." He laughed, heading toward the door.

And as much as Apolo had matured, grown up, all that crap, he couldn't resist a challenge and when they both got back to the building, they were breathing hard and he was still shoving JR out of the way so he could unlock the door. "Gotta be faster than that," he said, his cheeks flushed as he grinned over his shoulder before he pushed the door open. "Now I really need that drink." And he led the way into his room to the mini-fridge where he could pull out to bottles of beer, holding one out for JR. "Shut the door already."

JR was leaning against the door and breathing heavily, face flushed, hair windswept and he was grinning as he closed and locked the door. He reached for the bottle and twisted the cap off with a hiss. "We toasting something?" He asked, dragging his feet to stand next to Apolo.

"A great team? A successful Olympics? What do you want?" Apolo flicked the lid of his beer over near the trashcan. "I got it. To never having a tattoo." He grinned, tapping his beer bottle against JR's, eyes creased in a sly smile.

Well that earned a well placed swat against Apolo's shoulder. "Shut up!" JR pulled his bottle away even if the sound of the clink from where the two bumped still echoed. "That's not even a toast." And so he thought of one and then he grinned really wide. "To you ... old man." He laughed and tried to toast his bottle against Apolo's.

"Bastard." But Apolo grinned and bore it, taking a long drink of his beer before he settled, sprawling again, half-on, half-off his couch. "Sit down, already. Enjoy your beer." In a moment, his eyes wandered over JR's body, then away. "When do you head back?"

JR blinked. Did Apolo just-- Okay. Maybe not. "If a coach checks in on you, you're in deep shit for this, you know?" He raised his beer bottle before sipping again. He sat down, slouched and then he took a pull of his beer while kicking lightly, playfully at Apolo's shin. "I stay a couple days with my family and then we head back home. Need the break, you know? I think we deserve it."

"Absolutely." But after another drink, Apolo shrugged. "If the coach catches me, I'll take the fall for corrupting a youth." And he kicked JR back. "I never claimed to be a good influence, right?" Though he was reformed. He just wouldn't brag about it. Too much.

His foot was left under Apolo's hooked against his ankle. JR left it there. It was kind of comforting. "And to think you're the person I admire." He tsked and tried to keep the smile from his face. Not easy. "Boy, was I wrong, huh?" JR was gently bounced his foot touching Apolo's.

"Totally wrong." Apolo hooked his ankle around JR's and stilled the jiggling. "Be still, grasshopper." He watched JR's face steadily without looking away, a small smile playing on his mouth between sips. "I guess after I leave here, I won't see you for a while, huh?"

He laughed at the grasshopper reference because that was being around Apolo truly felt like, but then JR's smile faded. He didn't quite think things that far ahead and it was only then he realized that Apolo was right. "You'll be around, right?" Maybe something ached in his chest a bit; JR didn't want to accept that.

"Where would I go? Gotta get my company off the ground, right?" 8Zone for all your nutritional needs. Apolo wanted to have his bases covered. "Are you going to be in LA? I could show you around."

JR bit his bottom lip while he rolled the base of the beer bottle on his knee, thinking if that was a straight-up invitation because he was going to consider that as such. "I can come," he grinned at Apolo. "I can definitely come to LA. That'd be cool. We can hang, just you and me." Which shouldn't really make him feel as thrilled as it did.

"You're easy, aren't you?" Moving quickly, Apolo propped himself up on one arm, his other hand still around his beer bottle. "What will your girlfriend think, JR?" Their faces were only two inches or so apart. "If we hang, just you and me?"

His breath hitched audibly, surprised that Apolo was suddenly very _very_ close. Guy _was_ fast. "I-I..." JR had to swallow thickly, unable to look away from Apolo. "...don't' have a girlfriend." And there was nothing wrong with hanging out - just the two of them - but that thought didn't quite make it out of JR's mouth because he was staring at Apolo's eyes then lips, then he was locked back in that gaze while his heart hammered in his chest.

"JR Celski doesn't have a girlfriend? What's up with that?" Not that Apolo was one to talk; he was single too. There was a moment's pause, though, and he finally did what he wanted to do for at least two weeks. Apolo kissed JR right on the mouth, wasting no time in urging his mouth open to lick inside.

Whatever protest JR had died right there and it was only because Apolo was suddenly kissing him. Apolo. Was kissing. JR. For a beat he couldn't move. Shit! JR couldn't even breathe, but then that insistent tongue slipped past his lips that JR found himself opening up and then kissing _back_ with a soft whimper.

Easy. Multi-tasking, Apolo set down his beer and took JR's to set aside, too. Then he could wrap a hand around the younger skater's neck and keep him there as they got the hang of it, getting the angle right and taking the kiss from good to _amazing_.

It was too late by the time JR realized that his hands were free and that already he had them draped over Apolo's shoulders, his fingers already sinking in the softness of the hair behind his head. He was already kissing just as deeply, shifting to better let Apolo settle over him while JR moved his lips, still a little hesitant, still a bit unsure but yielding. Apolo and his kiss -- they felt amazing.

Until JR's brain finally caught up wih his body and he began to (weakly) push Apolo away. "W-wait--! W-w--!" God! Why did JR want to keep kissing him?

Even as he was licking at his mouth, Apolo leaned back. If JR was going to claim he didn't want to kiss, the protest was coming a little late. Apolo reached for his beer and took a long drink, not saying a word, just watching JR's face.

All JR could do was stare at Apolo. How could he still look perfectly calm after that while JR was all of flustered, stammering, "wh-what was tha..?" His mouth opened, then closed, breath catching in his throat and then JR tried to speak again, voice muted, "why?"

One shoulder shrugged and Apolo kept looking. "Do you want me to say I'm sorry? Or that I didn't like it? I'm not going to lie to you, JR. I wanted to kiss you and I did. And I'd do it again."

JR could hear his pulse pounding in his ears and he had to drag his eyes away from Apolo, grabbing his beer bottle and he noticed that his hands were shaking. He'd never found himself in a situation like this before. Not even with a girl, okay? Let alone a guy. And Apolo no less. God!

He downed half of the beer and sat there, looking at the bottle and fidgeting because, well, he wanted Apolo to kiss him again ... and that thought, was incredibly frightening. "You don't have to apologize." It was the only thing JR could think of to say.

"That's good. Because I already said I wouldn't." Apolo didn't have to stretch much to run his hand along JR's jaw. "Are you freaking out? It's not like I accosted you. It's not that big a deal. Okay?"

How even more frightening that he leaned into the touch. His body was a traitor and for the first time ever. JR's eyes fluttered a little before he forced them to open and look over at Apolo. "Why won't I freak out?" JR's voice was soft and calmer than even he expected. "You kissed me. And - and you're a - a--" He blew a breath. "You're you."

"I'm me, yes." Apolo cupped his hand, keeping it to where it framed JR's face. "I do what I want to do and as long as no one gets hurt, there's no reason to do otherwise. But," he said, voice getting even more quiet. "You liked it, didn't you. You want to do it again. Don't you?"

JR tried to turn and look away but he couldn't move his head and his face was tilted that there was no way he could avoid Apolo's eyes. He took in a shaky breath and as much as he wanted to _lie_, he couldn't, not with Apolo's brown eyes looking deeply in his, like they could read him; no place to hide. Besides, the flush to his cheeks, the heat in them, already gave him away. "Yeah," his voice was barely a whisper.

"Come here," Apolo urged, letting his hand slip from JR's jaw to the back of his neck, gently. "It's okay," he whispered, his mouth a breath away from JR's. "No one's going to get hurt." Let JR take what he wanted if he wanted it.

Not surprisingly, JR wanted this and it was written all over his face and there was no hiding it in his eyes. He took a quick look at Apolo's lips and then his eyes before he quickly dove in to close that small distance between them.

It wasn't the most graceful of kisses and maybe JR was a little too frantic when he caught Apolo's lips with his. It wasn't as if he'd kissed a lot of people before, let along a _guy_. But this was Apolo. The one who lived almost down the street from where he grew up. The guy who always told people he'd known JR since he was at his knee. The guy who he'd skated with, competed with, who knew him just about as much as he knew himself.

That's part of what made it seem _logical_ that they'd do this. That this would be how it was. Age difference, sure, but the rest of it seemed to make sense. Hand on JR's face, Apolo slowed him down, deepened the kiss. It was all about knowing when to do what, just like in racing. Now was for getting to know each other. For finding this out. Easy, he wanted to say. Easy. Nothing wrong with going _slow_.

Just like when they train, JR took heed and he slowed down, just like every other time when Apolo would show him what to do. He opened up to the kiss, parting his lips, letting Apolo take the lead like he usually did with JR.

The kiss was intense and it made JR breathless. He leaned against Apolo's solid body while his hands that were fisted in Apolo's shirt loosened as JR relaxed into the kiss, letting instinct take over.

There. That was better. JR could taste Apolo's smile right before Apolo eased him back onto his back, kneeling over him. One hand braced his weight, the other slipped up under JR's shirt, right over his heart. Right over that tattoo. With the smallest movement, Apolo tick-tocked his thumb over JR's nipple.

The touch made JR's breath catch at his throat and his back arched toward Apolo. That was it. His body _was_ a traitor. He didn't know what to make of it, what to _think_. But the touch elicited some foreign sound that seemed to have slipped past his lips even as they were locked with Apolo, their kiss still passionate and deep.

After all the training, there were no traitors, just choices. Apolo smiled again as he licked against JR's tongue, tasting beer and something else uniquely JR. He urged the shirt up higher so that he could touch more, pinch, even, pull. Tug. Learn what it was that made JR go that little bit crazy.

There was a moan, low and breathless, and then a moment later JR heard it again. He was surprised to learn that the moaning, soft and then louder, other sounds, too -- they were coming from his own mouth muffled only by Apolo's lips still kissing him heatedly. He quickly turned his head to the side; he needed to _breathe_, to regroup, God, maybe to stop but then he didn't know whether to pull Apolo even closer or push the man away.

Apolo leaned back, weight still braced on his hand so he could turn JR's chin and look him in the eye. "Don't freak out." But he just gave him one more kiss before getting off him, sitting and reaching for his beer as if nothing momentous had gone on.

"Don't freak out?!" JR finally found words. "How can you tell me not to freak out when you - you--!" He could still feel the ghost if Apolo's touch all over his chest and it made JR close his eyes and tremble.

"When I what? Kissed you?" Apolo rolled his eyes and handed JR his beer. "Drink. I won't touch you again, JR. Just chill out. And think about it. I'm not going to let you leave until I know you're not going to freak out."

With wary eyes, JR took the bottle from Apolo and he slowly pushed himself up to sit down, his shirt riding down his exposed belly from where Apolo had touched him. He drank a generous amount of beer, not looking at Apolo until the silence around them was thick enough that JR could hardly breathe. "Have you, uh, done that with - anyone else - before?"

Rather than make a smart-ass remark, Apolo just looked at the far wall and shrugged a little bit, the tiniest smirk at the corner of his mouth. That was JR's answer, right there.

And what the fuck was that supposed to mean? If anything JR was more confused now that he was earlier when Apolo was touching him and kissing him. At least then he knew that Apolo wanted _something_. This whole Apolo being a bit indifferent JR didn't get _at all_ so he slouched in his seat and frowned even deeper while he took several sips of his beer.

"I'm sorry I freaked out." JR finally said, still not looking at Apolo but instead at his fingers that were picking at the paper label on the bottle in his hand.

"Are you okay, now?" Apolo asked, looking over at him. "You're not going to claim I raped you or anything like that? Because that'd suck, just saying."

JR shook his head. No, he wasn't going to say anything and No, he wasn't okay. He wasn't sure what was going on here. He wasn't going to lie and said he _didn't_ like kissing Apolo. Quite the opposite and he even licked around his lips because he still felt that slight tingle and he could still taste a hint of Apolo on them. God, it was all so confusing that now JR's head hurt. Or maybe he could just blame the beer.

Apolo pet over JR's head. "I'm not dicking with you," he whispered, leaning in close. "I wanted to kiss you and I think you liked it. I'd do it again, but you don't want to, so we won't. Okay? So go back to your room. Sleep with your medal. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

When JR looked up, Apolo's face was real close and the urge was there again to just lean in and kiss him. But all he did was nod his head as he met Apolo's eyes. "I'm not going to sleep with the medal, you dick." He pushed Apolo and the idea of sleeping with the bronze was actually funny that JR smiled. "So ... I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" He stood up on shaky legs. Yeah. Maybe he shouldn't really be drinking beer.

"You'll see me tomorrow. Yeah." Apolo stood too, hand in the small of JR's back to make sure he didn't fall. "Sleep it off." His fingers might touch bare skin, but that's all. He held the door open for JR to go through.

JR doubts he'd sleep this off. He'd most likely stay awake and relive the whole night, just like when they train and he would watch videos trying to figure out where things changed, what he did wrong.

Mutely he nodded, feeling Apolo's fingers warm against the skin of his back and the he was out the door, breathing deep. "Night," JR whipered and with one still bewildered look over his shoulder at Apolo he headed to his room.

~~

It was a good thing there was no more training because JR did have a hard time sleeping. He woke up late, showered, then he headed for the lounge, to the mess hall, for breakfast.

Admittedly, his eyes continually scanned the room. He was looking for Apolo and not because of anything other than wanting to see him. JR wondered why last night's -- the kissing -- why it suddenly changed everything. Especially the way he thought of Apolo now. He sat down with his bowl of cereal and tried to shake the ghost of the way his lips felt after Apolo had kissed him last night.

Speak of the devil, Apolo appeared at the doorway about twenty minutes later moving through the tables to the line. He took a banana, apple, orange and a yogurt, putting that all in the crook of his arm before he headed right back out. JR could see him scan the room, gaze stopping when he saw JR. His eyes narrowed a little as if thinking, then he headed toward the exit.

It was JR's eyes that narrowed, staring at where Apolo disappeared. What the heck did that look mean? A second later, JR was grabbing the two bananas on his tray and he dumped the cereal before following after Apolo, steps rushed, looking around and spotting him. He jogged toward the man, calling out, "Hey Apolo!" If he didn't want to say anything, JR would be the one to ask, make him talk.

Stopping, Apolo turned and waited for JR to get close. "Hey. You didn't finish your breakfast. Gotta make sure you eat enough, JR."

JR put both bananas up, one in each hand, right by his ear. "Got these. I'm good." He stood next to Apolo, fidgeting a little. "So, uhm.." He looked in his eyes. "Few more days, huh? Than we have the closing?" JR was trying (and likely failing) to strike up normal conversation. It was hard when his eyes kept wanting to look down and stare at Apolo's lips.

Those lips quirked into a smirk. "Bananas aren't a meal." But they were phallic. Apolo was surprised JR didn't notice that. "I may not stay for the closing," he admitted, shrugging again as he worked open his OJ. "Are you staying?"

"Wait. What?" JR reached for Apolo, a gentle touch to his arm and he tugged his sleeve a little. "What do you mean? You're not staying?" After Apolo made JR realize it may be the last time he saw him in a long while, he'd really like to spend that time with Apolo and his whole team. Well, mostly with Apolo and that thought was possibly showing in his eyes.

"Not a lot of people go to the closing ceremonies, JR," Apolo told him, eyes moving from where he was being tugged and JR's face. "it's how it is. Why does it matter?" And he took a step closer, into JR's personal space. "Why do you care?"

JR's eyes narrow a little but he still met Apolo's gaze, not wavering. "It's my first Olympics and I'm not sure what'll be out there in front of me, if I'm even going to be in the next one." He inched closer. "And it could be your last. Would be great if you'd be here, too, wi--" JR caught himself before he said, 'with me,' because he'd love to share that experience with Apolo, too.

"Carpe diem, huh?" It didn't surprise Apolo that that's how JR thought. "I went my first Olympics too. I have stuff to do. I need to go." But Apolo paused a minute and he studied JR. "You should stay. Have that experience. That's right."

It was kind of hard to smile after that and JR tried but only the corner of his lips quirked up a little, forced. "When are you leaving?" He tried to keep the disappointment from his voice.

"Next couple of days, I think." Apolo kept looking at him, gaze steady, hardly even blinking. There was a pause, then he said, "eat your banana, John." And his smirk reappeared for a minute before he tugged his sleeve from JR's grasp and headed back toward his room.

JR let his eyes follow after Apolo even after he was long gone and then, he stood there like an idiot, staring off into empty space. So much for making Apolo talk and so much for sharing the whole Olympic experience with him. He settled on a nearby bench and ate his banana, thinking, well, this just freaking _sucked_.

~~

His bags were all packed and everything JR needed to put away was put away. The only thing left out was his phone, his computer, toiletries and a few changes of clothes that he needed to wear in the next couple of days. His stay at the Olympic Village had been memorable and JR was really glad that he got to soak it all in.

Right now, though, JR was in his bed, on his belly, in nothing but shorts and he surfed the web with nothing else better to do.

As he was surfing, a tweet posted on his twitter feed. _Leaving Vancouver. Had an amazing Winter Games! On to the next goal!_ posted just a minute ago from Apolo's tweetdeck.

JR didn't know what it was but in seeing that tweet, something compelled him to jump out of bed. He hurriedly put on his track pants, shoved his feet in his trainers and then he was shrugging on his jacket over a bare chest before throwing his door open and heading straight to Apolo's room.

_How could he just leave like this? ...and not even say goodbye?_

The thought kept its steady stream in JR's head and then he was knocking on Apolo's door, hoping, God! _Hoping_ that he was still there.

The door was pulled open and Apolo looked at JR for a moment before stepping back to let him in. "I'm on the 4:20 plane. I need to leave here pretty soon." But that didn't stop him, of course, from standing by so JR could come in. "What's up?"

"Does everyone know you're leaving?" JR wondered this, as he walked in Apolo's room, noting how clean and spotless it was and no sign that anyone had stayed there. He looked at Apolo then, his eyes still narrowed and thinking, was he the only one on the team that was kept in the dark?

"Everyone knew I wasn't staying for the closing ceremonies, yeah," Apolo answered, still leaning against the door. "You're staying, right? To have the Olympic experience."

"Yeah, I'm staying, yeah." JR turned to face Apolo and even took a step closer. "You weren't even going to say goodbye were you?" And he didn't want to sound accusing or hurt but it happened to come out that way. JR expected more from Apolo than to sneak away when he left.

"I told you I was leaving the other day, JR," Apolo told him in that even tone of his. "I wasn't aware I was supposed to knock on your door and give you a hug or whatever." _Not after you freaked out on me_ went unspoken.

JR only frowned deeper. "And why wouldn't you?" He said, still with that pained expression showing in his eyes. "What is it? You just don't give a fuck so you're just going to leave and not let anyone - _me_ \- know?" They were teammates, practically neighbors, they trained together -- and at the very least, JR would like to think they were friends.

"... are we dating and I missed it? Why are you freaking out?" Apolo asked, finally letting the door close so not everyone had to overhear. "It's not like we're never going to see each other again. JR, chill."

"That's not the point," JR ran a hand through his hair and sighed, exasperated though he wasn't sure if it was directed at Apolo or himself. Apolo was right, he did seem to freak out a lot lately, realizing that usually it was because it involved Apolo. "I thought we were - friends." He hesitated and only because Apolo kissing him was suddenly vivid in his mind again.

"And we still are. That hasn't changed. But I didn't stop by all my friends' rooms and tell them I was leaving. They all knew. You knew." With that, Apolo crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm your friend. Shit, I've known you since you were little. Nothing's changed."

"Nothing's changed?" JR took the last step to get to Apolo and he was so close they were practically nose to nose and Apolo's crossed arms were pressed to JR's chest. "Nothing's changed. So, when you kissed me, that really was you just dicking me around?" He was pissed, even if his voice had no hint of it.

"No. It wasn't. I wasn't dicking with you," Apolo told him, still calm, meeting JR's gaze straight on. "But then you freaked out and I figured you didn't want shit from me like that, so I'm doing my thing and you're doing yours, JR. What do you want from me? Tell me."

JR started to say something but then he wasn't really sure what it was he wanted from Apolo and anything he'd done had been him going by what felt right, instinct. Promptly he closed his mouth and just stared at Apolo. "I don't know, okay? I don't know and I don't understand." JR shook his head because there he was again, in the same spot as that night and with the same confusion clouding his thoughts. "Sorry I bothered you. Have a good trip home." He reached for the door knob.

"I'll talk to you later, JR," Apolo said, turning away to get to his bag. "If you want help understanding, let me know. Otherwise. Try to relax and have a good time."

Okay. That made JR stop dead in his tracks, his hand still on the knob, his escape thwarted. "Then explain," he said, back still to Apolo and he was literally afraid to turn around and look because those eyes, they might say something he wasn't sure he was ready to hear.

"Explain what?" came the retort. "Explain why I kissed you?" JR could almost hear Apolo's shrug. "That's easy. I wanted to. I still want to. Until you freaked out, I mean. That kind of sucked all the fun out of it, gotta say."

Now JR turned around. "You kissed me and you didn't expect me to freak out? Are you crazy? Of course I'm going to freak out." He said that in a hush, remembering that they were still in the athlete dorms with thin doors and walls. "Sorry if that sucked the fun out of it." And of course, talking about the time they kissed only made JR look at Apolo's lips.

"Call me an asshole, but I figure that you wanted it to. Like you do now." Apolo took a few steps closer, too, head ducked so that he was looking up at JR through his eyelashes. "But it's not worth the freak out."

Not worth the freak out? What did that even mean? That Apolo thought JR wasn't worth it? And to think he'd spent so much time thinking of Apolo and if any of this _meant_ something and for what? To find out that he wasn't worth it.

Well, JR'll show him he was worth it.

JR cupped the back of Apolo's head and then he kissed him, hard, messy, not caring at all if he made a fool of himself, at least he did it to prove a point ... he had worth and he wasn't going to be dicked around.

Apolo had meant that JR's freak-out made the kiss not worth it. But this was different. He cupped JR's face and slowed down the kiss, making it slower, deeper. Better, licking into JR's mouth, tasting him again. He took a step forward, pushing JR back against the door.

JR suddenly found his back up against the door and he leaned heavily against it, grateful because his knees had gone weak. The kiss had shifted with Apolo taking over but it was no less intense as any of he other times they've done this. JR didn't freak out his time, telling himself he _won't_ because he wanted this. He _wanted_.

When JR was still, Apolo could slow the kiss even more, licking and _tasting_, even tugging JR's lower lip between his teeth before angling his chin up so that Apolo could nip kisses down his neck.

Oh, shit! He wasn't going to freak out. He _wasn't_. Besides, it was hard to because what Apolo was doing felt _incredible_! JR's skin felt like it was on fire, with ripples of pleasure he could feel running up and down his spine and it was like nothing he'd ever experienced before. He gasped, feeling lips and ... were those teeth? Angling his head even more, giving in to the amazing sensations that Apolo was pulling from his body.

No, JR wasn't going to freak out. Apolo wasn't going to give him a chance to. He caught JR's mouth again and kissed him, a hand sliding down brushing between his legs, just a barely-there touch, and away, still licking into his mouth.

His breath hitched. JR felt the touch and his body jerked once, hips pushing forward but then Apolo's hand was gone, leaving JR with a dick that was slowly hardening. His hands moved to wrap around Apolo, pull him closer and then touch him, too, while JR's head spun from the dizzying pleasure that left him mumbling incoherently. And no, there wasn't any more opportunity to freak out.

Well, all right then. Apolo palmed over JR's cock again, rubbing it a little more firmly, his own hips flexing forward as they kissed. When JR reacted, Apolo smiled, nipping at JR's lips.

What slipped from JR's lips was a sound that crossed between a purr and a whimper. His head fell forward, pressed to Apolo's shoulder while his chest heaved and his breath came in heavy pants. "Oh, God!" JR gasped, his hands grabbing onto Apolo's hips while his fingertips touched warm skin and they itch to touch, to slide underneath and feel Apolo even more.

JR's sweatpants were easy to undo and Apolo pushed them down and wrapped a hand around JR's cock, stroking it slow and evenly, kissing along JR's neck again, breathing hot against his skin. "Touch me," he urged. "John, c'mon."

There was that initial shock, a slight bit of panic once he felt the brush of cool air against his skin, pants down to his thighs and JR looked between them, seeing Apolo's hand stroking slow and torturous over his erection and it made JR moan and tremble.

With his hands poised right at Apolo's hips, JR nodded meekly, slipping them under Apolo's shirt, sliding it up, feeling warm skin and the curve and ridges of his muscles and god he wanted to touch more, _feel_ more. Growing bolder, JR let his hands move to Apolo's back, pulling him closer just as he rushed forward and kissed Apolo again, more heatedly this time, while his hips continue to rock into Apolo's strong, warm grip. "Fuck."

This was what Apolo had been thinking about. Why he was leaving early. JR was a fucking _tease_ without even realizing it. Using the precome, he slicked his grip and kept his strokes slow. "Gonna make you come," he mouthed against JR's lips. "I'm going to make you come."

Another whimper made it out of JR's lips, his body moving on its own accord and it was something he wasn't used to. He was used to telling it what to do, when to push harder, when to lean, when speed up ... but this? He had no control over this and it was difficult to see himself easily give in to Apolo's attentions; it was futile to fight it. He rocked his hips, thrusting in that hand, biting down on his lips because JR was making such embarrassing sounds. "Oh, God! Oh. God!"

When he saw JR give over, Apolo smiled. And he sped up his hand. He wanted to see what JR looked like when he climaxed. He wanted to see that. To see what his face looked like. JR was so expressive in every other arena, how would he be here? "Come on," he urged. "Give it to me."

_Give it to me..._

Those words shouldn't affect JR this intensely but it did and his head snapped back with a thud on the door. He moaned, shuddering violently as he felt his climax rushing through his body. Come spurts out of his cock in wet warm streams and it slicks Apolo's hand still moving over his length with JR feeling it drip down to his thighs. He fell forward, face buried against Apolo's neck, his legs gone weak. "Fuck. Oh, God, oh, God. Fuck." JR whimpers softly, panting, still feeling the hard bulge of Apolo's cock against his hip and again, he shuddered.

"Yes." Apolo dragged his teeth along the curve of JR's jaw, nipping just under it hard enough to leave a mark that would be damned hard to hide. He stroked JR through it and cupped the back of his head, holding him there for a moment. "Good. That was good, wasn't it?" Then came a kiss, unaccountably gentle and Apolo took another step back. "I have to go back my flight."

"What?" With his mind still in a haze, JR grabs fistfuls of Apolo's shirt, not yet ready to let him go. He shook his head as he blinked his eyes open, pressing forward, wanting to chase after Apolo's lips for more of his kiss. It took a few breathless pants, more air in his lungs before JR realized what it was he was doing that he fell back against the door, staring at Apolo. "Can you stay?" JR sounded even more disappointed now than when he first entered Apolo's room.

"I have a reservation," Apolo told him, but gently, eyes warm (unlike before). "Come see me, okay? I've got room for you at my place if you want to visit. I have to catch my flight, JR. Do you even know how beautiful you are like this? Fuck."

There were so many things wrong here. At least that's what JR thought. He shouldn't even be in Apolo's room let alone here with his pants down to his knees, come cooling between his legs and a plea on his lips for Apolo to stay. He felt too exposed, vulnerable and JR didn't much like even if Apolo thought he was - beautiful? Apolo just called him beautiful and why did he like that?

JR pulled his pants back up his hips, never mind the wet patches from where he'd spilled come all over himself, his jacket still on but still left unzipped, bare chest heaving with each breath he was still struggling to take.

But JR wasn't going to freak out. Not if he wanted Apolo to keep talking to him.

"Y-you still want me to c-come?" Which was something he didn't expect. Sure they talked about it once, but JR didn't expect Apolo to remember, to keep the invitation open.

"Of course I want you to come." And Apolo winked then. "Just, you know, call me and we'll set up a time for you to visit. And to come." He did step closer then, cupping the back of JR's head to kiss him, slowly, lingering there for a moment. "I have to go."

Oh, shit! JR didn't mean _that_ kind of coming and he could feel his face heat up even more than it already had been. He'd protest, say _something_ but it was too late, Apolo was kissing him again and JR couldn't resist. The kiss was different this time. Tender, slow, and JR swore it held a promise there, as Apolo moved his lips over his. He was still leaning against the door, nodding, trying hard to not ask (again) if Apolo would stay ... "I'll, uhm, call you, yeah."

"Good." And JR got one of Apolo's mega-watt grins. "Now scoot. I have to catch a cab to the airport." And he smacked JR on the butt.

JR was glad his knees didn't give when he pushed away from the door, still staring at Apolo with his emotions completely jumbled up and JR was now even more confused. But, see, Apolo was smiling at him again and it had been something JR had been wanting to see for a while now that, somehow, it made him visibly relax. "Okay. I'll, um, see you?" A question. Just so he was sure he'd see Apolo again.

"You'll see me, JR." Apolo pulled on his jacket and threw his bag over his shoulder. "I have to _go_. I'll see you soon." And he gestured to the door. _Go. Now_.

That felt too much like a dismissal but still, JR stepped out of the door and into the hall, the air chillier here that he pulled his jacket closed over his bare chest. "Uhm ... bye." JR gave Apolo a small wave, watching the man go, hating that his own goodbye sounded so weak.

With another smile thrown over his shoulder, Apolo made his way down the hall toward the stairs. Before he disappeared into the doorway, he looked back at JR again, and he smiled again. Then he was gone.

This was how JR wanted to remember Apolo and not the way he looked back in that room where he jerked JR off, no matter how attractive that was as well. No. It was that smile that kept drawing him to Apolo in the first place; the smile would always like to see directed at him.

That smile would be the one image JR chose to burn behind his eyes and keep in his mind - at least, he hoped, until he saw Apolo again.


End file.
